Monday, August 29, 2011

Family Dining, a question about punctuation?

Query by !: Family Dining, a query about punctuation?
Originally, I wrote this with all the proper punctuation, but I failed to like how it slowed it down...
so I'm posting it sans punctuation other than the quote. Did I make the right alternative?

I wanted to assist him
but I couldn't let him touch me
so, he stood at the foot of my bed
lights one particular cigarette after one more
crying about how lonely he was
how my mother would not allow him near her
night following evening, he'd arrive to my area
ultimately, I'd had adequate
I will notify him at a public place
I don't forget contemplating to myself
he would not dare hit me in public

above dinner at a loved ones buffet
I advised him I was shifting into a dorm
I wouldn't be the middle gentleman
in their marriage anymore

he pounded the table,
the drinking water eyeglasses toppled more than
as he yelled,
"You ungrateful little _itch
you walk out that door, it will be
permanently closed to you."
So, I did

and so it
(Generally, moving into a dorm is no big deal,
but, unbeknownst to me,
Mother had told him when the last kid moved out of the residence,
she would leave him.
I was the previous.
She lied,
she in no way left him.)
You are appropriate on all counts, doggie did make me come to feel greater.
I never ever known as it a poem.

Best solution:

Response by SerenemStarsailor

I know, I know. I am normally a stickler for appropriate punctuation, but some poems do function much better with no it, particularly if the line breaks are handled properly.

I think it works nicely with this 1. Great.

As for the content material, I can sympathize. The entire 'been there done that caught close to also long but then didn't even get the t-shirt mess'.

Thanks for composing this.

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